Help Me to Forget
by amazed with life
Summary: Something terrible happened to Clare, everyone she loves is involved somehow, she has distanced herself away from everyone. Will they be able to help her?
1. Chapter 1

**Cpov**

I was on a plane on my way home, back in Toronto, I was coming from New York. The place I wish I could stay, Toronto had so _many memories._ But I had to come back. My father was in the hospital, not that I cared but, if I had not came back to at least see him once, my mother would have shit a brick.

My thoughts where cut off my phone ringing.

**Got a secret can you keep it, swear this one you'll save better lock it in your pocket taking this one to the grave, if I show you then I know you...**

"Hello?"

"Clare, it's Alli, I heard you where coming back. I didn't believe it, I thought for sure you would never come back... you know after..."

"Alli I get it. And I'm not staying, I'm coming to visit my dad for a about five minutes and then I'm leaving. I will come say hi to you and Adam and maybe if Drew, before I go. But I will NOT be staying longer than about a day and a half."

"Well, what about El..."

"I have to go Alli."

I hung up before she could say anything else. I knew what name she was about to say, and I cant stand it when she brings him into conversations that we have. He brings back so many **bad** memories.

_"Eli!" _

_I was screaming, I couldn't believe what we had just witnessed. This was surreal. I was terrified. Why did I have to be the person to witness this!? Why cant I be that person who nothing bad ever happens to? Why cant that be me?_

_"Clare I know you're scared, but I need you to listen to me, okay? Can you do that?"_

_I shook my head yes, I didn't think I was capable of speaking._

_"We have to go to the police."_

_"No."_

_"No? What do you mean no?"_

_"I mean I am not going to the police."_

_"Clare be reasonable."_

_"NO! Eli, just drop it. You can go to the police, I am out of here!"_

I shuddered, coming out of my flashback, and suddenly I was in front of my old house. I don't remember driving here, or even getting out of the car, but I was on the front step. I had my hand raised to knock when Darcy, my sister who I hadn't seen in about eight years, opened the door.

"Clare!"

"Hey Darcy."

She looked confused, well I guess I would to if I had been gone for eight years and my sister sounded as if she could care less if I was still in Africa or not. But if I was being completely truthful, I didn't, nor would I ever truly care for my family. My mother, a stupid crack head whore could burn in Hell, she most likely will anyways, for all I care. My father, a liar and a cheater, I couldn't care less if he was in the hospital or not. And last but certainly not least, My sister, the one who is supposed to always be there, left me when I needed her most. I looked up and into her eyes, they apologetic and sad.

"Look, I know you are still mad at me for leaving..."

"Just drop it, it's fine."

"I mean I just needed to get away."

"I get it Darcy."

"And I mean, she wasn't just your friend she was mine too..."

"I GET IT DARCY! WE DONT HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT SO MUCH!"

Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak but I started walking upstairs and I threw my stuff in my old room, and went back downstairs.

"I'm going to visit dad, I'll be back in a little bit."

"Wait, I'll come to, just let me get my shoes on."

She walked upstairs to get her shoes on and I went outside and got in my car, started it up and drove away. I didn't feel like dealing with Darcy anymore.

* * *

About thirty minutes later I was in the lobby, or whatever it's called, of the hospital and I was walking up to the front desk.

"What room is Randal Edwards in?"

She looked at her chart, cleared her throat and spoke.

"Randal Edwards... room 208."

"Thank you."

I started walking again, this time towards the elevator.

"Hold the door please!"

A hand shot out and stopped the door from, closing, I thanked the man and stepped into the elevator and as soon as I did I regretted it. There where too many people. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I started hyperventilating and I knew people where staring at me but I could help it, after what happened... I cant be around this many people. Luckily for me we got the second floor quickly and I got out as fast as I could. As soon as I stepped out my breathing went back to normal and everything was starting to feel okay again.

I walked to room 208 and went in, I was surprised to see my mom, but not my dad.

"Mom? Where's dad?"

"They took him to his physical therapy. I was not aloud to go, but they said I could wait until he was finished so I could see how it goes."

"Well, okay then. This was a wasted trip. I'm going to get my stuff and go rent a motel room, call me when he gets back."

She didn't argue, she didn't even speak. She just nodded her head and looked down sadly. Knowing that it was partly her fault I was they way I am today.

* * *

Chapter one complete! Hope you enjoy... its a mystery. PLEASE REVIEW! Bye now.


	2. Dreams

Cpov

_I was standing in an alleyway. I can barely see my hand in front of my face its so dark. I'm stumbling about and I cant tell which way is up or which way is down. Everything is lopsided, and I'm convinced that the cop who tried to make me walk in a straight line earlier was crazy. Obviously the line was crooked and that's why I couldn't do it. I'm not drunk, I don't get drunk. And then suddenly with a burst of color everything changes, the moon is out and I can see. I'm still in the alleyway, but I'm not alone. I see her..._

No! I will not think about that! It's too freighting. I have done a good job at blocking it form my mind during the daylight hours, I just need to conquer the night hours and I will be good. If only my subconscious would stop reminding me. I mean I've already lived it, no need to relive it over and over again. I turn my head and look at the clock. 9:00 AM. I have and hour and thirty minutes to get ready for work and be there on time. Most people would happily roll back over and sleep for at least thirty minutes, and don't get me wrong I wanted to, I just couldn't. I was too afraid I would see her again. Her terrified eyes pleading for me to help her... I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. I really need to stop thinking about her. I'm going to give myself (more) bad dreams. I nearly jumped three feet in the air when my phone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"Clare, Clare is that you?"

I rolled my eyes, I mean, who else would it be?

"Yes its me mom. What do you need?"

"I need you to take off of work today. Your father wants to see you."

I rolled my eyes once again, couldn't my horrible excuse of a father wait until after work to see me?

"No he can not! Now I know you are very angry with your father and myself, along with many other people for that matter, but that gives you no reason to behave so rudely."

I hadn't realized I had voiced my thoughts out loud until my mothers outburst. I rolled my eyes again, she knows what she did. She knows what everyone did. She knows why I'm angry. How could I not be angry, after what happened?

"Alright mother, I will be there in about an hour."

"Wait Clare, why don't you come soon-"

I hung up before she could finish, I didn't want to come sooner, if I had wanted to come at all I wouldn't have been acting like I was on the phone. I fell back into my pillows and went back to sleep. I figured a five minute nap wouldn't hurt. Boy was I wrong.

_"Help somebody please help!"_

_I could hear her screaming for help but I was too afraid to come out from behind the garbage can to help her. She is in danger. I hate myself, I try to make myself useful and help, but I cant do it. I'm hopeless._

I woke up once again. I hate not being able to sleep. I hate my Mom for being a contributing factor to all this. I hate Darcy for leaving. I hate my Dad for not stopping my Mom. I hate myself for not figuring it out before it was too late.

* * *

HAHAHA! Confused yet? Hope so! haha, hope you enjoyed! PLEASE REVIEW! Bye now.


	3. Medicine Troubles

**Cpov**

_I was running. To where I wasn't sure. But I knew I had to get away. From my mom, my dad, Eli. Everything. I was running and I turned into the alleyway and found myself seeing him... doing something to her. I wanted to help but I was pulled behind a trash can by none other than one of the people I was trying to get away from. Eli. He held up his finger to his lips, signaling for me to be quiet. He walked out form behind the can and spoke words to the instigator, it seemed like things were going well, then I heard the gun go off. _

I woke up gasping for air. I had to stop having these dreams. They are seriously making it hard for me to do anything, I'm so tired. April 22, 2009 is still burned into my brain. No! I will not think about that. So I started to think about visiting my dad in the hospital yesterday.

_I had walked into the hospital two hours later than when I told my mother I would be here. There I saw Drew, Fiona, Bianca, Imogen, and Eli. I tried to walk fast, so they wouldn't see me, but of course Bianca sees me. _

_"Clare!"_

_I sighed, and turned around._

_"Hey guys. Didn't see you guys."_

_Drew approached me and pulled me into a big bear hug, we had gotten closer since that night. I smiled and pulled away, I looked at Imogen who was holding Eli's hand possessively. I cant deal with this. I turned to ask Bianca something but she was gone. _

_"Where did Bianca go?"_

_They where all giving me strange looks, finally Fiona spoke._

_"Clare... Clare honey have you been taking your medication?"_

_"What the fuck Fiona!? Of course I have!"_

_"Well then why did you ask about..."_

_"I have to go guys."_

_I started walking away to my dads room, when I got there no one was there. Guess I wasted another trip to this Hell Hole. I turned to leave and saw Bianca._

_"Bianca!"_

_"Hey Clare! Sorry I had to leave you back there. My mommy dearest was calling me."_

_She said while holding up her phone that was cracked. She never did know how to hold a phone properly, always dropping it. _

_"Its fine. Do you not hang out with them anymore?"_

_"What? Of course I do!"_

_"Well, why is it that every time I mention you they ask if I've been taking my medicine?"_

_She gave me a sympathetic look. _

_"Look, they where probably just joking with you. They can be jerks sometimes, the next time they do that just tell them do piss off."_

_I started laughing, Bianca always made me feel better. But she was right, they where jerks._

* * *

**Dpov**

"Guys, I'm really worried about Clare. I don't think she is actually taking her medicine."

They said nothing, I guess they agreed. I told them I would be back in a little bit and that I jus needed a little bit of time to think. I was walking and I started thinking about _that _night.

_I remember calling her. _

_"Come on pick up."_

_I remember looking for her. I remember hearing her scream. I remember running to the alley and seeing her pushed up against the bricks and him on top of her. I remember Eli stepping out from behind a trash can. I remember them talking. I remember talking turning into quiet arguing. I remember the gun going off. I remember the body falling to the ground. I remember it all._

* * *

**Epov**

I was about to follow Drew, I knew he was going to go find Clare, but Imogen held my hand. I walked away and sat down on a chair and leaned forward putting my head in my hands. I felt someone sit down next to me and take my hands in theirs.

"Your hands are shaking."

"I just... I don't know what to do about Clare. She is really starting to scare me."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry this is happening."

"Don't say that. You know this is all your fault."

"What!?"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

She looked like she was about to burst into tears. She ran, I rolled my eyes. She can do whatever the hell she wants, she knows it's true.

* * *

**FPov**

I had walked away when Drew did, but for a completely different reason. I was not going to look for Clare, even though I probably should have. No, because when I'm around Clare I think about her more often. And I just figured I have thought about her enough today. I got to where I was going. I walked into the store, grabbed the wine, showed the man my I.D (1) and then left the store. I went home, I walked to my fire escape and just sat there crying and drinking for hours.

* * *

**Cpov**

I was walking home, I don't know why I even walked here. I mean I have a car. But I was walking home and I passed THE alleyway. The place where everything started and ended. I cant believe I didn't think about this. I had walked the other way to get to the hospital earlier, that's why I was so late getting there, but this time I walked the short way and I didn't even stop to think about the alleyway.

"CLARE!"

I turned, it was Drew.

"Hey Drew."

"So, I'm sorry about what happened at the hospital. We were just joking around, just like you where when you mentioned Bianca."

"Oh, I wasn't joking around, I was really wondering where she was."

"Uh... Yeah. I gotta go."

"O-Okay. Bye see you some other time."

He nodded and walked away, getting his phone out and dialing a number. I hadn't noticed, but while we where talking we had also been walking so I was passed the alleyway and could get home without a problem now.

* * *

**Dpov**

His phone was ringing, and ringing, and ringing, and I just wish he would pick up because this was really important.

"Hey, this Eli, I cant come to the phone right now so leave a message and I will try to get back to you."

"ELI DAMNIT PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE! I have something really important to tell you, I was right Clare hasn't been taking her medicine."

* * *

Haha! Confused yet? Don't be! Its simple really. Whats going on is... Well you're just gonna have to wait until the end of this story wont you? Haha Hope you enjoyed! PLEASE REVIEW! Bye now.


	4. Surprises

**Cpov**

I was pacing around my room, I couldn't see, I couldn't feel. I couldn't do anything. These stupid pills. I hate taking them. They make simple things, like thinking and feeling any sort of emotion harder than it should be. Ever. I didn't want to take them, but I was starting to see and hear things that weren't there again. Just like when it first happened. This is why I hate coming down here. When I'm home in New York I don't imagine things that aren't there. I am perfectly fine. Its only when I come to Toronto. Then the hallucinations start. I am back in the alleyway and I'm scared and I cant breathe. I'm stuck against the wall and a hard body and I don't know what to do. I'm slipping under, into my head. I cant stop it. I'm going insane, I can feel it. I don't know how to stop it. The pills don't work. They make it worse. I need help. But I'm not going to cry out for it.

* * *

**Epov**

I was going over to Clare's house, I was taking everybody, excluding Imogen, and we were going to talk to Clare. See what's going on. When we got there we heard screaming and things hitting the wall so I busted open the door and we all ran in. No one was trying to kill Clare like we thought, but she was going crazy. She was running around while pulling her hair, she was screaming and crying. I ran up to her and trying comforting her but that got me a slap in the face. Guess she's really out of it. Too lost in her own mind to realized their was anybody else in the room.

"Please just stop! Stop showing me this! I know what I did! I know! PLEASE STOP!"

She was screaming this over and over again. The voices in her head where making everything painful now. She had taken her medicine. This ONLY happens when she hasn't taken her medicine for a while and then starts again. Only then.

"Clare listen to me. Do you hear me?"

* * *

**Cpov**

I heard him talking to me, and then I felt him touch my arm. He was trying to calm me down. It wasn't working, but I had to remember to thank him for the effort when this was over and done with.

"It's your fault I'm gone. All your fault."

The voice in my head was started up again.

"NO ITS NOT!"

"Yes. Yes it is. If you had stepped out from behind that trash can and helped... maybe I wouldn't be dead."

"If u had done that we both would be dead!"

"We could have taken him."

"No we couldn't have."

"Yes. We could."

"JUST SHUT UP IMOGEN!"

I was screaming and crying. My dead friend was talking to me from inside me head, everyone thinks I'm crazy and that I'm imagining this but I'm not. It really happens.

"Clare listen to me. Imogen is not talking to you. Imogen is alive. It's nothing."

"You don't understand Eli! Imogen died that night! You all think it was Bianca but it wasn't! Don't you understand! It wasn't Bianca. It was Imogen."

"Clare, you're delusional."

"NO I AM NOT! I KNOW WHAT HAPPEND! I WAS THERE!"

"I was there too."

"Not for the whole thing."

"Well what happened then?"

_After Drew and Bianca got into that fight she grabbed me and we left the restaurant. We were walking and talking about everything except boys. I decided we could take a shortcut to my house, through the alleyway. We were walking and then we saw the man attacking Imogen. We started running and I tripped and fell and rolled behind the trash can. Bianca kept going after she told me to stay there. She was going to sneak up on him but her phone started to ring. It was Drew calling. The man turned and rushed at Bianca and grabbed her phone, throwing it on the ground. Cracking it. He then pushed Bianca away and said 'Run. And never come back. If I ever see you again I will kill you.' She looked at me and I told her with my eyes to go. So she ran off. That's when Eli came up. I pulled him behind the trashcan and told him without thinking that the man had Bianca. The only thing I could think of to cover up Bianca leaving was that the man was about to kill her. Eli then got out and began trying to talk the guy out of it, the man just got angry and they started to argue. He shot Imogen and she fell. That's when Drew came up. After the guy shot her he let her body fall, he ran in the other direction, we came out and told Drew that it was Bianca and that was that. Drew believed us and instantly began to weep. I almost told them it wasn't really Bianca and that she had ran off, but the thought of putting Bianca in that much danger was too much, I couldn't do it. Imogen died that night. Not Bianca. I sometimes would see her around you and I would forget that you guys thought she was dead and would ask about her. She would always run away before you guys could see her though. _

I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that I got off my chest what had been on my mind for about three years. They all looked confused and Eli opened his mouth to ask something, but someone coming down stairs interrupted him.

"You finally told them! Yes! I can finally quit hiding out in your room every time someone comes over!"

They looked over to see Bianca coming down the stairs. She was smiling and went to hug everyone, who were all still frozen from seeing her. It was probably like she was back from the dead.

"Wait wait wait wait! Then how where we seeing Imogen?"

"Oh... DARCY!"

Then Darcy came down stairs, she was in Imogen's clothes and had her hair died like Imogen and just looked over all... like Imogen.

"We had Darcy be her."

"So you... hid the fact that Imogen died by having your sister be her... and then mad everyone think Bianca died and hid her at your house for three years?"

"Yes. Is that bad?"

"Oh my God. I don't know how you pulled this off... but its pretty impressive."

Of course Eli would think it was cool. I stared at him and he stared at me , we continued to stare until someone said

"Oh just make out already!"

So we didn't even think about anything, we just attacked each other. He had me picked up and against the wall in record time and my legs were rapped around his waist. We heard fake gagging and we broke apart and looked at Fiona and Bianca who were pretending to throw up.

"Hey, you're the one that told us to make out."

"Hey I have a question."

"What is it Fiona?"

"You explained what happened... But you never explained why you where so mad at your parents."

I sighed, oh no, here comes the hard part.

* * *

HAHAH! I have been planning this for like EVER! HAHA hope you enjoyed! PLEASE REVIEW! Bye now.


	5. DePaul

I opened my eyes and was staring at the same four walls that I have been staring at since my parents realized I was still talking to Bianca. It only scared them more when they realized the second life I had created. A one with Imogen being dead, and Bianca being hidden, and Darcy being around. They immediately sent me to DePaul(1) and I have been here for three years. My friends immediately told my mom when I flipped out and tried explaining to them that Bianca was there when she wasn't. She had (apparently) been dead for at least three years. Imogen (who apparently was alive and well) hadn't died and somewhere in my mind I had made up that she had, I must really be crazy. The doctor came in, I didn't like her she was always telling me I was crazy and giving me new medicine that didn't help at all. I still hear Imogen's voice, or Bianca's since Bianca is the one that died... I don't know. My mind is just really confusing and I don't what to do about it. The pills they have me taking only make my mind more scrambled than it is, I would happily stop taking them but they put something in your food here that makes you fall asleep and they give you your medicine while your knocked out. They do it so no one fights. Pretty good idea I guess. There are people here crazier than me. Apparently hearing your dead best friends voice in your head is actually a minor situation.

"Good afternoon Clare, how are you feeling this afternoon?"

My answer was a shrug. I don't really talk much. Too lost in my thought, my crazy thoughts. She sighed.

"Clare we are only trying to help you. We know you probably feel trapped here, but we would like nothing more than to have you get better so you can leave. But in order for that to happen you must cooperate."

I sighed. "Fine. I feel fine."

"You must also be truthful. How do you really feel?"

"What would you like for me to say? I said I feel fine. Cant you just be happy?"

"Not if your not being truthful. How are we supposed to help you if you wont let us know what you need.. how you feel?"

"Crazy! I feel crazy. I am stuck in a mental institution!"

She smiled. "Now was that so hard? Believe me, it is perfectly normal to feel that way..."

"Why? Because I am crazy? Is that what your getting at?"

"No... You have lived through a traumatic experience. It was bound to leave something behind."

I stayed silent. I felt crazy. I just wanted to leave.

"Do you still hear Bianca?"

I shook my head no. I hadn't heard Bianca since they gave me the new medicine.

"What about seeing? Have you seen her?"

I shook my head no again. Another thing that has stopped since the new and, in the doctors opinion, improved medicine. She smiled... why was she always so happy? Smiling always.. even when I give bad news like "Yeah I saw Bianca last night. We talked for about an hour." I had told her that my second night here and she just smiled and said "Don't worry Clare, you're on your way to recovery. We're gonna get through this, together okay." She always saw the bright side of things and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the reason it annoyed me so much was I used to be able to do that... not since B died though. God I hated this place. It brought out the worst in me. I had no visitors. I had wondered about that at first but no one would explain it to me and slowly I learned to accept it. So I hadn't seen any of my friends since I got checked into DePaul and had no cantact (they take your phone when you first get here.) with them since then either.

"I have good news!"

"What's that?" I asked, most the time her good news was "I found this new medicine that is sure to help."

"If you be good and your progress continues... you will be out of here in about a month or so."

Huh. That was good news. I didn't show it though. Her smile faltered.

"I though... I thought you would be happy."

Oh believe me I was... I just... since I had been 'crazy' I had forgotten how to smile. So I simply forced something that felt like a smile (it was probably more like a grimace though) and said.

"I am." and turned away from her. She took that as her cue to leave. So I was left alone and just simply sat and stared at the four walls I had grown accustomed to.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! I had writers block on this story.. so sorry! PLEASE REVIEW! Bye now. (1) DePaul is the name of an institute I have heard of that is for people who are "A danger to themselves and others."


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